Heads On Sticks & Ventriloquists

The prodigious writings of a tortured genius.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Videogame Assault

Inspired by my list of videogame weaponry (below), I've decided to make another section about great attacks in videogame history. Since the videogame is essentially based around an attack of some sort, I figured this would be appropriate.

Spindash Attack from Sonic the Hedgehog

One of the most fundamental attacks in the world's history. Curl up into a ball and roll into enemies. Well, Sonic could do it really fast, but it still works at any speed. For further reference watch Hook.

Fatality from Mortal Kombat

This videogame is the reason for all school shootings. Also, 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina.

Jigglypuff's Song from Pokemon

Oh, Jigglypuff, you're so adorable. His main attack was to sing at his enemies and make them go to sleep. Upon further thought, Jigglypuff was probably a rapist. Despite common knowledge, Jigglypuff was not the gayest Pokemon. That title belonged to Gyrados, the hormonally imbalanced angry lesbian of the Poke-world.

Quick Dash from Ecco the Dolphin

With the most sudden of bursts, Ecco could ... uh... eat some fish. But seriously, after about 15 minutes Ecco got pretty lame. On a side note, as a little boy, one late night I walked into my kitchen to get some water and my dad was in the living room playing this game and was really enjoying it a lot. Disturbing.

Blanka's Electrocution in Street Fighter II

It ain't easy being green. Unless of course you can electrocute people that touch you. Then it is not only easy, but hilarious. Sure everyone thinks that Ryu and Ken's hadoken attack is cool, but seriously, Blanka would just eat those guys. Pictured above is Blanka eating an '88 Volvo.

Attacking Fellow Motorcyclists in Road Rash

Up until last year, when I saw a motorcyclist on the road, I'd roll down the window and strike them across the face with 10 pounds of loose steel chain. I thought it was something you were supposed to do in real life, but try telling that to the judge.


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