Heads On Sticks & Ventriloquists

The prodigious writings of a tortured genius.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Dear Girl That Works at Blockbuster...

Dear girl that works at Blockbuster,

I understand that you have a profound pride in your position at Blockbuster video, but perhaps I may offer some helpful tidbits of advice. The force with which you open my returned DVD rentals is particularly startling. With a feral swipe, you crack open the click-seal case, ferociously seeking the disc inside. Aha! But perhaps I, the customer that stands before you, have attempted to pull off some light-hearted shenanigans, by replacing the DVD inside with another one! So, of course, with impeccable sleuthing skills, you investigate the cover of the disc, to make sure that no foul play is afoot. Aloud, you switch back and forth from the case to the disc, matching each line: "Arrested... Development... Season Two... Disc Three...". Surely any other -- less important -- Blockbuster employee would have stopped at the show title, seeing that the individualized graphic is the same on both the cover and the disc. But that's what separates you from those other clowns, isn't it? And thank you, miss, because without your reading aloud of this action, I may never have known your true intentions as you repeatedly flipped the case. Perhaps this next part is not an attempt at intimidation -- but if it is, you have scored a deadly blow to my nerves! Instead of turning the case to see the disc right side up -- as I have clumsily placed the disc in at a 165-degree angle in relation to the southern portion of the case -- you slam your fingers upon its shiny metalic face, and swipe the disc towards you as a DJ would scratch a record. Scratch being an operative word in this case. Fortunately, I've come up clean... this time. It's because of employees like you that I have never attempted the fabled DVD switch-out. Best of luck in your shining future at Blockbuster!

-Bill Benz

P.S. I may have dodged your wiley attempt to get me to sign up for the "great deal" at Blockbuster Online, but don't leave thinking that was an entirely unsuccessful encounter; it remained on my mind the rest of the day.


At 4:34 PM GMT-5, Blogger jstak said...

next time return the dvd case with a grill cheese inside


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