Heads On Sticks & Ventriloquists

The prodigious writings of a tortured genius.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

How Punk Rock Is This!?

So the other day, some friends and I were chillin' at the beach -- maxin' and relaxin' to be specific -- and all of the sudden some really punked out kids show up and throw down some towels and lay down. It was odd to me because punk rock has always been about having fun, but not in conventional ways. Punk rock is about bucking the system and doing it different just because it is different.

Yeah, punk rock is pretty stupid in a lot of ways -- at least as an ideology not a music.

So these orange mohawked pale rebels got me thinking about what specifically are the most un-punk things in the world. For your entertainment, here is the list below. Note: if you make it a point to only listen to 80s hardcore you can take this list seriously... for everyone else, it's a joke.

10. Progressive Rock

Any song that features a guitar solo longer than a Gorilla Biscuits album is pretty much dead to punk rock.

9. Sweaters
Being warm is technically not unpunk, but usually wearing anything woolen is. It's open for debate if the sweater has argyles.

8. Awards
The Sex Pistols denied any induction into the rock 'n roll hall of fame. And thus, so should any self respecting punk rock group deny any award.

7. Most punk bands

What is punk? In an interview, Social Distortion's Mike Ness said that when a punk band makes unpunk music, that's one of the most punk rock things they can do. As punk evolves and changes, what truely has it become? Is a band like The Locust punk rock? Who knows? But it's truly left to the punks to debate, and so, most punk bands are decried as actually not being punk.

6. Attention spans

There's a great NOFX song that lasts about 10 seconds and the lyrics are "I have a short attention span, that's how I listen to this song". What the hell was Green Day thinking when they wrote that 9-minute opus on their new album?!

5. Scholastic accolade

Doing well in school is absolutely not punk rock. Even though it's cool to not care about school work, punks have to forget what the popular kids are doing and fight the greater enemy: the man (the school system). Don't become a mindless drone! If you are a punk and haven't dropped out of high school, do it now!

4. Making money

Remember, if you're a punk you still think communism is better than capitalism.

3. The Republican Party

This doesn't need an explaination.

2. Pop-punk

One of the most despised things in the punk community. How could punk also be pop?! This has been a problem since punk first got popular ever since it came out.

1. Yachting
Just about the most yuppie thing that ever existed. And we all know that Punks:Yuppies::Very Punk: Very Unpunk. Solve that equation, son!


At 9:51 PM GMT-5, Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way the man Yachting is L.ron hubbard.


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