Dead Garfield

In my ongoing pursuit to openly criticize the newspaper comics page, I would like to discuss, for a moment, "Garfield". Obviously the strip is not that funny and many other bloggers have tackled this critter in more depth. I just feel the need to get out my own opinions.

First of all, can we talk about how high this cat is all the time?


























Look at this bitch! Probably the most commercialized syndicated cartoon character. There's something to respect about Bill Watterson, who kept "Calvin & Hobbes" from ever having become a commodity (all those shirts and bumper stickers are actually illegal).

Anyway, a popular suggestion amongst comic critics is that "Garfield" becomes way funnier if you remove anything that the cat ever says. Instead of a comic about a fat, sarcastic cat, it becomes a comic about a crazy cat owner.

Therefore this:











...would become this:











Get it? Much funnier.

Well, instead of removing the caption at the end, I suggest adding another panel to the end of every "Garfield" strip. Do not remove any of Garfield's little thought bubbles, but simply add a final panel of Garfield stabbed to death, lying in a pool of his own blood. This would suggest that Jon finally lost it and killed Garfield. An example?







































Get the picture? Here's a few more...